my threadless slogan “hot young artist” has a mindmelting 11% approval rating. i think i might submit “vote bush” next time.

cho rly?

If it is possible for you to become offended, 4chan will offend you. I know you, you grew up on rotten.com and beheading videos, midget porn and goat.cx, well maybe not; i guess my childhood was just demented, anyway, 4chan is mean. Don’t say i did’nt warn you.

4chan is an imageboard based on the japanese format used by sites like http://2ch.net/ and others. 4chan uses the same (customized) futaba image board software as the japanese version. This format differs from message board formats favored by english speakers. In the context of this shitty blog post, the most important difference is unregistered, anonymous posting(see image above). It might have been started in 2003 by ex-goons who got banned from something awful for lolicon. Oh yeah, 4chan is about anime or something like that, whatever.

4chan is composed of many boards divided by subject. By far the most popular board on 4chan is /b/, the random board. /b/ has like 29000000 plus post now. The only things whaich are not allowed on /b/ are those which are overtly illegal.

/b/ has a level “adult content” that i have not encountered on any other site. You see everything from semi legal high school girls and boys (jailbait) to “how i fixed my car” threads. Illegal content is often posted, and is allegedly removed by the mods as soon as it is detected. In reality many kinds of quasi legal content are tolerated, and even endorsed by 4chan.

Anyway, if you want a better introduction just read the wikipedia entry, unless the stupid wikipedians deleted in the name of human knowledge and learning (again)

Most of this post is about providing links to sites that provide a more authentic** 4chan experience. so, um, yeh:

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/4chan

This is a comedy site; comedians often speak the truth. Most of this stuff is true. Also check out /b/day. This is about as good as an introduction to 4chan gets.

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Moot

This is the guy that started 4chan, he seems a lot gayer than i remember. He is/was a goon. yes, that is him, the one in the dress.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1341330415013140142&q=4chan+panel

This is the 4chan panel from otakcon 2006. It explains what 4chan is as well as one can, and delineates some of the userbase.

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Category:4chan

This is the best place to learn about the culture of 4chan. It contains all the memes you nee d to know about. Most of these are pretty fun; you are probably lazy. I have listed the six most important memes for your convenience:

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Longcat | The one and only, stolen from 2chan, it is just a really fucking loooong cat. Perennial, god like figure.

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Desu | DESU DESU DESU DESU

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Cockmongler | Also known as grinman.

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/IMMA_CHARGIN_MAH_LAZER | This is originally from dragon ball z, but has become so much more. A mix of blaxploitation, anime and high powered energy weapons this is almost beyond comprehension.

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Mudkips | Mudkip is ultra popular. Other pokemon such as: slowpoke, seaking* and psyduck are also popular.

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Pedobear | Again, stolen from 2chan, where it was just a normal bear; on 4chan this bear is now a pedophile. Enjoys enduring popularity.

Other popular memes include: how do i shot web?, DO NOT WANT, This is sparta, raptor jesus and epic fail guy.

http://4chanarchive.org/board/

This site archives the good threads 4chan. It is an easy way to see some of the best(worst) things the site has to offer. I think this is a better alternative to going on the real /b/.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ij3ymiDWhdM

This might be 4chans finest moment. A hoax plot to bomb nfl games started on /b/ made cbs news.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ij3ymiDWhdM

Nice flash animation with some of the well know characters.

http://www.lurkmore.com/wiki/index.php?title=Main_Page

Like wikipedia for chan stuff. It’s better to read this after you have looked at encyclopedia dramatica, as it has been written for /b/tards by /b/tards. Most of this site is shit.

http://orly.yi.org/macrochan/piles/

Contains many of the image macros created on 4chan or stolen from something awful. This site is good for building an understanding of the humor and mind set of a channer. Many of these are super funny.

Other chans:

http://www.420chan.org/

Run by the inimitable raidmaster Kirtaner, this chan is the spiritual home of /i/. Before invasions need a new home, this chan was focused on drugs. Actually pretty rad if you don’t mind the destruction of the innocent.

http://7chan.org/

After /b/day many of the people who liked raids went to 7chan. After the hal turner raid 7chan was infected with the very aids it had tried banish, and died in its own gay ass. Don’t visit unless you love captchas.

http://www.12chan.org/

This is might be the worst thing ever to come from chan culture. This chan is focused on lolicon and semi legal photos of children. I have only been to this site once and I regretted it. People are pretty much counting down the days till these guys get v&.

*FUCK YEAH

**”what’s wrong bart? you love youth culture”

If people continue to be interested in this, i might write a bit about invasions, which are by far my favorite part. There seems to be quite a bit of demand for items pertaining to caturday (fuck you lolcats) so i would also be tempted to have a go at that.

swan plague god

sfda

i think i hate entrepreneurship. I hope your start up bombs, I hope your funding is poisonous, i hope you blog is swallowed whole by 22,900,000 disaffected ghost of exxon mobil*, you will drown in the blue ocean. you are not friendly, you don’t care about me; i don’t care about your cute error message or carbon neutralities.

i will never register for your service, i will never buy your product and you will fail. you will be left surrounded by the bones of hiv positive models in you stupid loft which you don’t because are actually a start up guy and you live in silicon valley not Williamsburg, but you have a bubble too, acknowledged and acclaimed by the the same people who became experts in 2000 and have now caused a bubble of bubbles.

don’t worry al gore is coming to fuckin save the shit out of you, he has a new book coming out you know?

because we are all happy and now and everything changed we green and responsible and in the future thing will be better thanks to wonders of seventy million dollar warhols and recycling; i will never forget anyone i have met, we will accrete forever; separation disincarnate never liking each other only tolerating constant updates flowing forever never stopping until myspace death.

fuck innovation.

i wish they would swallow this blog too, actually the whole wordpress, yes i am talking to “i can has cheese burger”. “i has jumped the shark” this is stolen from metafilter.

if art was a company, the critics would be in middle management

15 clicks of lame. warhole lol

This is the best thing ever:

http://www.videogramo.ws/

It’s like william gibson got high, went insane, then started ripping shit up with ms paint.

this should be better

i have encountered at least three separate instances of trendy as fuck cooking today. if i was a gambling sloth i would put some money on the rise of hipster cooking. i guess it comes with the that silly green stuff.

Taking into account that fact that i pay no attention to food culture, i will be at least a year late picking this up. So here is to soy power bars and extreme coffee.

“They see me blogrollin’, they hatin’”

edit: search suggests that this joke has not be made before.  i am amazed.

 this is the worst decade for fashion ever

I have created the ultimate hipster animal: introducing the Deericorn. Somebody must have done this before. *sigh*

thx google images and photoshop.

profundity is stupid

actually, slaughter and may is a far better name for my hipster band.

if i had a hipster band, i would call it cobra wolf.

dude, did you bring the micro chunks?

no, wait, come back, i can be disruptive!@#@@!

webtickle should marry perez hilton. they would rule all media.

psyc: this post is actually about kate moss and normal popular celebrities you know all about all the time because of our always on all ways connected world.

FACEBOOK.

but we like the connections and we crave them because life is so fucking dull that you need to check your twitter even though you don’t have any messages, all the messages you did have were vapid, and nobody gives a fuck about you how you work in new media, you pretentious cunt. then you need to do a post about twitter, which like this post, has nothing to say and is just a a pathetic attempt to reach out to your ex, because deep down inside all you want to do is rub your wet meaty parts on other peoples wet meaty parts and be better than other people.

but for some reason you still care about saying important things. if you say important things, you can become a celebrity blogger. if you become a celebrity blogger you get to be in business week in 2005 or in time in 2007. you become bigger than scoble; they give you the keys to the blogosphere which you promptly crash into the back of your neighbors prius.

then you die, in pain.

your cadaver is diced up, and turned in to a locally produced alternative to plastic carrier bags.

and that’s why web2.0 sux

webtickle is god. fuck social media i am going spamming. anyone with 22k friends owns god.

god is in the comments

the dance of a billion leveraged angels around picnic tables, portends the pretend.

chan folks are raiding subeta. Subeta seems to have stolen long cat, which has annoyed the chans.  more later.

why does the medical system want me dead?

go cry for another dead blog